dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
