you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
