I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
