So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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