If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
