My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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