just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
