I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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