He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
