her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
