My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
