youre lurking in front of me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
