how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize