I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
