I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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