me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
