half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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