I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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