Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
