Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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