its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
