No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
