i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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