Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
