I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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