My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
