I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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