I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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