They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
