That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
