I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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