her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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