I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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