She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize