I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
