dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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