I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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