you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
