How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
