I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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