i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize