I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
