idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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