where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
