she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
