I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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