Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
