Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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