Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
