No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
