i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
