Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
