So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
