my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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