i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
