if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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