Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
