shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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