Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
