We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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