his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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