They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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