God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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