we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
