I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
