We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God I need to hump something, right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
