The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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