just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
