So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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