At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
