I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
