grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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