hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
