Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Randomize
