She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
