I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
